He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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