I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
