Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
