don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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