when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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