God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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