Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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