I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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