My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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