Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
