dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
