my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just had sex bonerless
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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