"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We need to get me chipped asap
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
