he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
