At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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