i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
