Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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