OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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