So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
