my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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