my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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