everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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