you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
