K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
