he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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