You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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