So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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