one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
home. puking in laundry basket.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
