duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
