hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
