I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't turn off my feet"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
