I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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