They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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