2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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