I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
