quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
