Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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