I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
