I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
