Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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