I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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