xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
