You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
