this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
