Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
