Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
After last night, I could never be a politician.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
