Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I smell like Dick and happiness
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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