Cold hands, warm shart.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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