hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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