i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
