you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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