dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is Oprah even human
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
