conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
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is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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