Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
