ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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