Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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