I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
