I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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