Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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