spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
