my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
