Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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