Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
