i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
