It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
