I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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