I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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