There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
